One Month Later

This month has been eye opening to say the least.  I have had to face head hunger quite a few times and learned what foods are trigger foods and why I feel the need to eat when I'm not hungry.  One of my biggest problems was how much I hate being alone.  Every time I am alone, I want to eat.  More than once I found myself standing in front of an open fridge and knowing I couldn't eat anything from inside, I realized why I was standing there.  I was trying to fill the emptiness.  Only now, of course, I can't.  I like my day busy and full of friends and family.  I have to learn to live with myself, and accept that there will be times I will be alone and I don't have to fill up on food.

I have had to face head hunger of junk food, too.  Went into Walmart a few times and shortly afterwards I craved chips.  Every time.  Staying out of the stores unless I really need something can help with this one.  No window shopping.

I haven't been tempted to cheat much, but when the constipation got really bad last week I was tempted to go to Dairy Queen.  I know how that reacted before on me and was wanting relief.  I didn't allow any kind of reasoning to sway me, though.  No Dairy Queen!  I was proud of even the little wins like this one!

I grocery shopped a couple of times and bought only what was on my list.  No junk food and no food that are not on the safe list.  I truly felt empowered!  And trying new recipes mostly from "The World According to Eggface".  The blog author also had weight loss surgery and she is a chef.  She blogs her recipes for the rest of us who have had surgery and need to find a healthy way to eat and not make more than we need to.  Awesome recipes!

My hubby did the math last night and told me I was half way to my goal already.  What??  I had to redo it.  I only got into my size 18 clothes this week, and they are already loose.  I have a few items of size 16 and may have to shop soon!  But you know what I am hating to shop for the most?  Bras.  I wish I could just get a sports bra and be comfortable!

I must add here that I am feeling wonderful!  Not sluggish or tired and drained.  Arthritis has quieted down.  Not much flaring up there.  Blood Pressure has returned to normal.  Even FM still behaving.  Off most of my meds now.  Still no CPAP machine.  I'm loving this new found freedom!  

Saw my doctor this week and gave him the surgical report.  He was surprised that I went all the way to Mexico and paid out of pocket for it.  I told him that I was serious.  Doc's wife, Lee, was happy that I went and told me it was time to get a new bra!  Haha.  So, this week I have to bra shop.  Something cheap.  Just to get me through.  I also had to retire the size 20 clothes!  Now in size 18!  I am out of the 20's!!  Whoohoo!  And I now have to retire all my size 7 shoes.  Back into size 6.  

The mushy pureed food is okay.  I'm getting used to trying to eating again.  The fish is great!  Do you believe I actually said that?  It's amazing how good food tastes after not eating carbs.  Its hard to get used to not drinking with my meals, though.  Having to wait an hour seems like forever.  

Three Weeks Post OP

Today marks three weeks after surgery.  The most important thing about today?  I get to start real food!  I had two tablespoons of oatmeal for breakfast.  I had some pureed pears for lunch...MMmmmm.  Food tastes good again.  The learning to eat properly begins.  Wow!  Full comes quick!

I weighed in this morning and I'm down a total of 40 pounds since all this began back in June!  My strength is returning.  My knee no longer gives out when I walk anymore.

What I find truly funny is when someone sees me that hasn't seen me in a while, they look at me and say, "something is different about you.."  Then they compliment my hair.  Haha.  I just say thanks.

My clothes are starting to bag again.  I just fit into the Lady Antebellum tshirt Bill bought me at the CMT Music Festival in August.  Loving that!

I did have a rather rushed appointment with Doc today, and he re wrote my script for blood work according to what the surgeon needs him to test.  Pretty much everything he tests every three months anyway.  

2 weeks today

It's two weeks today since I had my surgery. I know I shouldn't feel hunger, but for some reason, I do. To the point of wanting to throw up. Maybe it's just head hunger? I went back to work today and passed a lot of Tim Horton's and fast food places that I ate at before. Especially between my school runs. First time I actually missed my coffee. Haven't had one in a month, and today, I missed it.

A lot of my hidden eating was on my school run. I would purchase things and hide them in my vehicle to have during my breaks. I think part of today's problem came from the old habit of eating when I was alone. I was back in my old life style, my old job, but had made the decision to give it all up for this surgery. Give it up for life. No more breads, junk foods, pop. Maybe today was a bit of testing me and my body was really wanting to go back to it's old ways. I am really going to have to fight those old demons off.

Those old demons were good friends of mine once upon a time. I don't need friends like that. 

Dreaming...

As days go by, the thoughts of what I will be able to do increase.  There are some things I had totally forgotten about.  Besides my stamina increasing and clothing going down in size, there is also the fun of bowling again!  Being able to breath has started me thinking of all the things I had given up.

I started curves in June to have to stop after three weeks.  The FM reared it's ugly head and pulled me under, not to mention the fact that I was constantly out of breath.  I think I will give that a second chance.  Start out slow and build up to the two circuits.

Maybe a few dates out bowling.  Mini Golf.  Biking.  Oh, how I have missed biking.  And walking.  Hmmm...
I may need new shoes... shopping time!  LOL  Did I mention that none of my shoes fit?

It's funny, but one of the first places I lose weight is my feet.  I'm down to a size 6 again.  Most of my shoes are a 7.  But now, maybe some fun ones?  Maybe borrow some from my youngest daughter?  HA!  That would be a switch!  Can you see me in a pair of Iron Fist 4 inch heels?  With blood dripping from growling wolf teeth on the toes?  Oh yeah!  Not!  But it makes me giggle anyway.  I'd probably kill myself.  It would make for a fun photo shoot, though!

I think I've talked myself into it.  Another item to add to the 'to-do when I reach my goal' list.  I am going to check out the really cool shoes, just for fun!  Betsey Johnson, here I come!

Clothing - Too Big!

I went to the closet this morning to look for something to wear and nothing fit.  The dress I wore to my brother's wedding just last month - too big.  I started to go through the tops and one by one they were folded and put in a basket.  Some items I hadn't even worn yet.  Others only barely.  I finally found a t-shirt that is loose by fitting better than all the rest and a pair of Capri pants I haven't worn in 5 years or more.  Gone are all my 24's and 22's and some of my 20's.  All 4x and 3x and 2x!  Surgery was only 12 days ago and I know I have been dropping weight daily but I never expected this!

My hubby went into the attic and brought down three rubber maid boxes containing my smaller clothes.  Sizes 20, 18 and a few 16.  Wonder what I'll find in there?  It's kind of fun to open them up and see what I thought was so important to hang on to all these years.  Scary, too!

The first place I want to shop at?  La Vie en Rose!  I want to buy pretty unmentionables from them!  Ha ha!  I have never been able to fit into pretty unmentionables from anywhere!  I have ogled that store envying the cute little sleep sets, etc. for years and dreamed of being able to fit into something from there!  One day, I told myself.  One day.

Do you know what else I like?  The handkerchief dresses!  So adorable!  It's exciting to know that soon I can shop again... only not from Omar the Tent Maker!

Well, off to go through the rest of the boxes and see if I can some kind of wardrobe out of them for the next few weeks anyway.  

After week 1

Week one is past and the clear liquid diet now has become full liquid.  No real hunger, just some head hunger every now and then.  Especially when a commercial comes on with something really tasty.  It doesn't last long, though.  I really don't want to eat anything.  It's kind of weird.  I never thought I could feel this way.

The creamy soups have added some flavour to my diet.  Finally!  And drinkable yogurts help.  Still quite a few weeks to go before solid food but I know my stomach has to heal, so it's all good.  It's all a learning process.  i have to learn how to eat properly this time.

One of things I have learned is not to drink liquids with my meals.  That flushes your food through you system and then you don't know when you have had enough to eat.  It actually helps you to overeat.  If I'm thirsty, suck on an ice cube, but wait at least 30 minutes to an hour before drinking.

Carbonated drinks are a thing of the past now.  They make your stomach swell!  So do bread, pasta and rice.  Makes sense.  They swell in water.  No longer necessary!

I am excited about this new phase.  And I am learning a lot.  I can do this!