I must say that going to the company Christmas party was a treat.  I was a little apprehensive to go, like usual.  Found a cute sparkly top and my leather jacket and away we went.  It really feels good to have people come up to me and be all happy for me and my weight loss, but I get a little frustrated, too.  I had a few people ask me how I did it and they turned their nose up at the word 'surgery'  Like it was a dirty word.  Too bad!  It is the tool I chose to help me succeed.  (Yes, one woman was extremely skinny).  

I'm not ashamed of my decision to have surgery.  I am proud of it!  What I truly dislike is when someone asks and then rolls their eyes at me.  Don't ask me if you don't really want to know.  I am figuring these are the people that are not really friends.  Or even good acquaintances.  Probably have a lot of negative things to say regardless of the answer I give.  Pfft!  Whatever!  I didn't do this for them.  I did this for me.  For my hubby and my family.  I did this to be well!  

I met up with another woman, whom I hadn't seen in maybe ten years and she told me she had bariactric surgery the month before me!  We sat together for a bit comparing notes and how happy we feel now and all the wonderful little victories we have experienced.  We are both down more than 70 pounds!  How very cool to meet someone else that is excited!

I came across this today on a forum.  The poster said it was from a blog.  The information is exactly what I need to remember.  Here it is:

"HUNGER is the need to eat. APPETITE is the desire to eat. Many people assume the two are mutually exclusive but they are not. You can need to eat even when you have no desire to eat and you can have a desire to eat even when you don’t need to eat."

"Many simply don’t feel hunger post-op, but our bodies find ways to tell us that we need to eat. Learn those cues (light-headedness, shaky hands and fatigue are common ones). Then use what you know to determine how much and how often you need to eat. "

"Hunger is NOT an emergency. Yes you are hungry. No you will not die if you have to wait 20 minutes or so until your next meal. For those who have reactive hypoglycemia or diabetes, this may be different. But barring those circumstances, it truly is your head freaking out. Your body has a defense mechanism against starvation. It’s called fat. Those feelings you are feeling that are pushing you to have that “tide you over” snack? They come from somewhere. Something is driving them. Figure out what that is and you’ve done yourself a great service."

" Impulse eating is a result of allowing your appetite to dominate your food decisions. Like I said, appetite can exist outside of hunger. You can WANT something you don’t need at that moment. "

"Overcoming impulse eating is a matter of slowing down the situation. It takes a certain commitment to stopping yourself (sometimes when you are in “mid-reach”) to ask yourself some questions. Why am I reaching for this food? Am I hungry? What am I feeling? How will this food make me feel after I eat it? Is it going to make me sick? Is it going to make me depressed."


I needed to re-post this, so I can find it again.  Something to read over and over again.  

Three Months later

Three months have gone by and I have lost a total of 70 pounds since starting this venture.  41 since my actual surgery date.

I haven't had to take a nap in over a month!  I am actually accomplishing lots!  Housecleaning, scrapbooking, visiting with friends!  Lots of activities, too.  Sleeping at night is so good now.  I feel so rested every morning.  Ready to start the day.

Hubby bought me a Xbox 360 with Kennect and we've been having a blast.  My favorite are the dance games!  Too funny!  I can hardly keep up and it leaves me giggling!  But what a workout!  Hey!  I'm moving!

Size 16 clothes or size large.  Wow!  They look small compared to what I'm used to!  Thank goodness for Value Village having a 50% off sale this week.  I bought my first winter coat in five years.  Picked up lots of tops and jeans.  Stuff for now and for the next size down.

I am finally able to get more food in me.  And water is tasting a whole lot better now.  Still can't stand the taste of chocolate.  Even hot chocolate has lost its appeal.

I am finding it interesting all the commercials on tv that advertise crap.  Especially food no one should put in their body!  No wonder obesity is out of control!  Almost every commercial.  Go into a corner store and I can't buy anything healthy.

Two months later

Here it is, two months after surgery and I am stalled.  I've been trying to add more foods to my daily meals, but I'm not enjoying it.  The biggest struggle I have right now is drinking enough water.  I can't seem to get that in me.  The taste doesn't appeal to me and the idea of - "is it thirst or hunger" still hasn't caught on yet.

Only a couple more pounds and I will finally hit ONEderland!  I am so looking forward to that!  To get out of the 200's almost seems unreal!  So close!!

On another note...XBOX with Kinnect is an awesome way to get in some exercise!  I love the dancing game!  So much easier on my joints.  And gets me moving in a more fun way.  I love to dance...both of my left feet don't seem to mind either!  So fun to try to keep up!

Hiking

Hiking...who knew?  I love it!  Today, we went for a lovely drive out to the Scarecrow Invasion in a town along the coast, and then to hike up to a look off over the valley.  It was only about three kilometers in and I had the dog with me who seemed to go rather quickly, pulling me along and up the hill.  Over rocks and tree roots with no benches except one at the top.  What a beautiful view!  The trees are changing colour with the season!  Reminded me of a mountain top we used to live on a long time ago!

A couple of months ago, I wouldn't have even attempted this hike, let alone up the hill.  Today, no pain in my legs, knees, hips or feet!  Wow!  What happens when you shed 48 pounds!  I took a bottle of water along and made sure to drink lots.  JR fell asleep as soon as we got back to the car, but not me!  And here I sit, hours later and still awake.  And no pain!

OH, the freedom!  I am so getting my life back!  Disney... I am not far from enjoying all that I can from you...

My 50th birthday

Today, I turn 50.  Lots of cards and gifts from wonderful family and friends.  Lots of birthday wishes on Facebook.  No cake.  And I don't miss it.

I made Caesar salad with baked chicken breast.  My first salad since surgery.  Oh, how I have been craving this!  No pain.  Yeah!  I am learning to be careful with how much I put on my plate and then to eat slowly.  It's working out great!

I went to "The Big Smoke" on the weekend to visit with my sisters and brought the Zucchini Manicotti recipe with me to share.  They loved it!  Even my niece loved it!  It was something I was a little worried about as I have never been able to share a recipe with them.  They have always eaten really well and never indulged in over eating.  Whoo hoo!  Made my day when they enjoyed it and want to make it again!  And they were surprised that I didn't wolf down my meal like I used to.  We all sat and enjoyed each other's company just chatting and sharing about our lives.  So relaxing and fulfilling.  I have shared my favorite blogger's web site with them and I know they will love her, too!  Thanks Eggface!

I did have chocolate for the forth and final time last week.  It is awful!  I tried a small thin milk chocolate and it, too, was bitter.  So, my taste has changed.  I'm not going to waste my time with it anymore.  Sad to see it go, but happy I no longer have the desire to indulge in it.

The weight loss has slowed down now.  But I expected it.  I have introduced real food back into my diet.  Now to get back to exercise!  Would it please stop raining? 

One Month Later

This month has been eye opening to say the least.  I have had to face head hunger quite a few times and learned what foods are trigger foods and why I feel the need to eat when I'm not hungry.  One of my biggest problems was how much I hate being alone.  Every time I am alone, I want to eat.  More than once I found myself standing in front of an open fridge and knowing I couldn't eat anything from inside, I realized why I was standing there.  I was trying to fill the emptiness.  Only now, of course, I can't.  I like my day busy and full of friends and family.  I have to learn to live with myself, and accept that there will be times I will be alone and I don't have to fill up on food.

I have had to face head hunger of junk food, too.  Went into Walmart a few times and shortly afterwards I craved chips.  Every time.  Staying out of the stores unless I really need something can help with this one.  No window shopping.

I haven't been tempted to cheat much, but when the constipation got really bad last week I was tempted to go to Dairy Queen.  I know how that reacted before on me and was wanting relief.  I didn't allow any kind of reasoning to sway me, though.  No Dairy Queen!  I was proud of even the little wins like this one!

I grocery shopped a couple of times and bought only what was on my list.  No junk food and no food that are not on the safe list.  I truly felt empowered!  And trying new recipes mostly from "The World According to Eggface".  The blog author also had weight loss surgery and she is a chef.  She blogs her recipes for the rest of us who have had surgery and need to find a healthy way to eat and not make more than we need to.  Awesome recipes!

My hubby did the math last night and told me I was half way to my goal already.  What??  I had to redo it.  I only got into my size 18 clothes this week, and they are already loose.  I have a few items of size 16 and may have to shop soon!  But you know what I am hating to shop for the most?  Bras.  I wish I could just get a sports bra and be comfortable!

I must add here that I am feeling wonderful!  Not sluggish or tired and drained.  Arthritis has quieted down.  Not much flaring up there.  Blood Pressure has returned to normal.  Even FM still behaving.  Off most of my meds now.  Still no CPAP machine.  I'm loving this new found freedom!  

Saw my doctor this week and gave him the surgical report.  He was surprised that I went all the way to Mexico and paid out of pocket for it.  I told him that I was serious.  Doc's wife, Lee, was happy that I went and told me it was time to get a new bra!  Haha.  So, this week I have to bra shop.  Something cheap.  Just to get me through.  I also had to retire the size 20 clothes!  Now in size 18!  I am out of the 20's!!  Whoohoo!  And I now have to retire all my size 7 shoes.  Back into size 6.  

The mushy pureed food is okay.  I'm getting used to trying to eating again.  The fish is great!  Do you believe I actually said that?  It's amazing how good food tastes after not eating carbs.  Its hard to get used to not drinking with my meals, though.  Having to wait an hour seems like forever.  

Three Weeks Post OP

Today marks three weeks after surgery.  The most important thing about today?  I get to start real food!  I had two tablespoons of oatmeal for breakfast.  I had some pureed pears for lunch...MMmmmm.  Food tastes good again.  The learning to eat properly begins.  Wow!  Full comes quick!

I weighed in this morning and I'm down a total of 40 pounds since all this began back in June!  My strength is returning.  My knee no longer gives out when I walk anymore.

What I find truly funny is when someone sees me that hasn't seen me in a while, they look at me and say, "something is different about you.."  Then they compliment my hair.  Haha.  I just say thanks.

My clothes are starting to bag again.  I just fit into the Lady Antebellum tshirt Bill bought me at the CMT Music Festival in August.  Loving that!

I did have a rather rushed appointment with Doc today, and he re wrote my script for blood work according to what the surgeon needs him to test.  Pretty much everything he tests every three months anyway.  

2 weeks today

It's two weeks today since I had my surgery. I know I shouldn't feel hunger, but for some reason, I do. To the point of wanting to throw up. Maybe it's just head hunger? I went back to work today and passed a lot of Tim Horton's and fast food places that I ate at before. Especially between my school runs. First time I actually missed my coffee. Haven't had one in a month, and today, I missed it.

A lot of my hidden eating was on my school run. I would purchase things and hide them in my vehicle to have during my breaks. I think part of today's problem came from the old habit of eating when I was alone. I was back in my old life style, my old job, but had made the decision to give it all up for this surgery. Give it up for life. No more breads, junk foods, pop. Maybe today was a bit of testing me and my body was really wanting to go back to it's old ways. I am really going to have to fight those old demons off.

Those old demons were good friends of mine once upon a time. I don't need friends like that. 

Dreaming...

As days go by, the thoughts of what I will be able to do increase.  There are some things I had totally forgotten about.  Besides my stamina increasing and clothing going down in size, there is also the fun of bowling again!  Being able to breath has started me thinking of all the things I had given up.

I started curves in June to have to stop after three weeks.  The FM reared it's ugly head and pulled me under, not to mention the fact that I was constantly out of breath.  I think I will give that a second chance.  Start out slow and build up to the two circuits.

Maybe a few dates out bowling.  Mini Golf.  Biking.  Oh, how I have missed biking.  And walking.  Hmmm...
I may need new shoes... shopping time!  LOL  Did I mention that none of my shoes fit?

It's funny, but one of the first places I lose weight is my feet.  I'm down to a size 6 again.  Most of my shoes are a 7.  But now, maybe some fun ones?  Maybe borrow some from my youngest daughter?  HA!  That would be a switch!  Can you see me in a pair of Iron Fist 4 inch heels?  With blood dripping from growling wolf teeth on the toes?  Oh yeah!  Not!  But it makes me giggle anyway.  I'd probably kill myself.  It would make for a fun photo shoot, though!

I think I've talked myself into it.  Another item to add to the 'to-do when I reach my goal' list.  I am going to check out the really cool shoes, just for fun!  Betsey Johnson, here I come!

Clothing - Too Big!

I went to the closet this morning to look for something to wear and nothing fit.  The dress I wore to my brother's wedding just last month - too big.  I started to go through the tops and one by one they were folded and put in a basket.  Some items I hadn't even worn yet.  Others only barely.  I finally found a t-shirt that is loose by fitting better than all the rest and a pair of Capri pants I haven't worn in 5 years or more.  Gone are all my 24's and 22's and some of my 20's.  All 4x and 3x and 2x!  Surgery was only 12 days ago and I know I have been dropping weight daily but I never expected this!

My hubby went into the attic and brought down three rubber maid boxes containing my smaller clothes.  Sizes 20, 18 and a few 16.  Wonder what I'll find in there?  It's kind of fun to open them up and see what I thought was so important to hang on to all these years.  Scary, too!

The first place I want to shop at?  La Vie en Rose!  I want to buy pretty unmentionables from them!  Ha ha!  I have never been able to fit into pretty unmentionables from anywhere!  I have ogled that store envying the cute little sleep sets, etc. for years and dreamed of being able to fit into something from there!  One day, I told myself.  One day.

Do you know what else I like?  The handkerchief dresses!  So adorable!  It's exciting to know that soon I can shop again... only not from Omar the Tent Maker!

Well, off to go through the rest of the boxes and see if I can some kind of wardrobe out of them for the next few weeks anyway.  

After week 1

Week one is past and the clear liquid diet now has become full liquid.  No real hunger, just some head hunger every now and then.  Especially when a commercial comes on with something really tasty.  It doesn't last long, though.  I really don't want to eat anything.  It's kind of weird.  I never thought I could feel this way.

The creamy soups have added some flavour to my diet.  Finally!  And drinkable yogurts help.  Still quite a few weeks to go before solid food but I know my stomach has to heal, so it's all good.  It's all a learning process.  i have to learn how to eat properly this time.

One of things I have learned is not to drink liquids with my meals.  That flushes your food through you system and then you don't know when you have had enough to eat.  It actually helps you to overeat.  If I'm thirsty, suck on an ice cube, but wait at least 30 minutes to an hour before drinking.

Carbonated drinks are a thing of the past now.  They make your stomach swell!  So do bread, pasta and rice.  Makes sense.  They swell in water.  No longer necessary!

I am excited about this new phase.  And I am learning a lot.  I can do this!

The beginning of a new journey.

After more than a year of indecisiveness I finally decided to give myself a second chance at life.  Six weeks shy of fifty years old and I decided to have Gastric Sleeve Surgery.  Why?  I'm tired.  I'm tired of people not looking at me when they speak to me.  I'm tired of being out of breath all the time.  I'm tired of always sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else have fun.  I want to play with my grandchildren.  I want to be able to sing, even off key, without losing my breath.  I want to be able to shop again!

I did my homework and found an amazing clinic in Tijuana, Mexico that specialized in obesity.  Booked my appointment, filled out all the forms, started the pre-op diet and on Monday, August 22nd of 2011, I flew to San Diego with my two daughters along for support.  We were picked up at the airport by a driver sent by the clinic and driven to the Marriott Hotel in Tijuana.  At midnight my 12 hour fast began; had a good night's sleep and the driver picked us up at 7am and drove us to the clinic. Cleanest, most beautiful clinic I have ever experienced!  And everyone spoke English.  My surgery was first out of five scheduled for that day.  I was a little scared of the unknown but more excited to be given an opportunity to start over.  Starting weight on the day of surgery - 237.5lbs.  Already down 10 lbs. since I booked the surgery!

A few hours later, upon awakening in my private room, my daughter informs me that the doctor had to repair a Hiatal  Hernia before he could do the sleeve.  I had no idea about the hernia, or that it was more than likely the cause of my sleep apnea and shortness of breath.  I was up and walking as soon as I could.  The more you walk, the faster you get rid of the gas and the better you get.

By Wednesday at noon, I was released and taken back to our hotel where we started looking things up to see and do.  We went to a local shopping center, the Hippodromo and just window shopped.  Eventually bought a few colours of nail polish and went back to the hotel for Mani's and Pedi's.

Every day we returned to the clinic for a check up.  I still had a drain on my side so they could tell if anything changed on the inside.  It was cleaned and dressing changed each day b y the sweetest and most gentle nurse ever.

Thursday, we went to the beach - Playas de Tijuana and the taxi driver refused to leave us there.  He stayed and watched over us as we played in the surf and sand taking lots of pictures and videos.  We had never seen the Pacific Ocean before!  So strong!  And the smell was marvelous!  How we missed living close to the ocean.  Further down the beach we came to the border and saw the double fence that started in the ocean and crawled out and up and across to the Gulf of Mexico.  With cameras and lights, border patrols and helicopters swooping overhead, it sure looked surreal.  First time ever seeing a Bull Fighting Ring, too.  Huge stadium!  And round!  The locals make fruit popsicles at home and sell them on the beach the next day to make money.  Very tasty!  Thank goodness it is on my clear diet!  Our kind driver gave us a tour of the area, answering our questions and taking us through a different part of Tijuana.

Friday the drain comes out!  Yea!  Had to drink a barium solution and got to see my new stomach on the screen.  It did hurt coming out but felt so much better after it was gone!  Got a clean bill of health and the okay to return back home.  Given strict rules on taking care of myself and how to learn to eat all over again.  And a big hug from the nurse and the clinic director.  I am going to miss them.

We traveled to another part of the city - Revolucion Ave. to check out the shops and hopefully pick up some trinkets.  That was not fun.  No trinkets to be found and every shop keeper followed us wherever we went trying to convince us to buy their products.  After making it only one block, we jumped in the first cab we saw and scooted back to our hotel!  Never doing that again.  We then wandered off to our favorite mall a couple short blocks away.  Much more relaxing.  A band playing upstairs filled the air with a taste of Mexican music then an old Eagles song and more Spanish songs!

Saturday, we started our trip back home.  Took awhile to cross back into the States but no problems crossing.  At the San Diego airport the only hiccup we encountered was my youngest daughter had her peanut butter taken away.  It couldn't go on the plane as part of her carry on.  Oh well.  Guess it was a lethal weapon?

Home shortly after midnight, safe and sound and on my way with the beginning of my new life!